Dear Lord of Darkness,
I'm writing this letter to catch you up. On how school is, and how the city is and how the weather is, and how I am.
School has changed. There is more homework than usual since I'm the only one doing it. The school hours are longer now as I don't see you midway. Home has shifted further away because I don't race you till my door. The city has changed. The road has more leaves and fewer footprints. I, am just the way I was. Just more thoughtful. Mom tells me I'm quieter. I think I just think in my head now and keep my thoughts preserved in time. To pour them out to you, sometime. I hope I don't forget them. I hope they don't get too stale to be served.
I have been wondering, since the day you left, that I never got a chance to say goodbye. Frankly, I have been wondering more about how the perfect goodbye would have been. We could have had some drama, cried a tear or two, wished for things to be the same between us and bid farewell, in a long lingering wave, till you disappeared in the bend.
Or I could have fought with you, cursed you for leaving me alone, to exist in nothingness, to be all by myself and without much importance of being. I could have hit you so hard, that you bled. I could have wished for you to bleed out every memory, every plan, every thought that could and would stay. I would have rejoiced in your pain and mine. And left you there bleeding out every bit of me, from you.
I could have thrown you a farewell party. With gifts and cards and a huge cake. We could have celebrated our parting. We could have celebrated having more things to talk about, more world to explore, more places that we could visit together in each other's descriptions, more future to look forward to. And we could have danced all night. A slow, revolting, exhilarating waltz, swaying to the thought of music and joy and celebration.
Sometimes, I feel I should have hugged you. Not in a I'm-never-going-to-let-go sort of way, not even in the I'm-devastated-and-I-need-your-touch-to-let-me-through sort of a way. I would have hugged you only to remember your scent, your touch, your being. I would have hugged you to let you find me in yourself when you need to find me and I could breathe you in every time I needed to be familiar with my world.
But then, I think the way you chose was the best goodbye. Where we do not bid farewell, where I do not tell you that I will miss you, where you do not promise to come back and there is no presence of your skin on mine. The perfect goodbye, is this. When I can look out side the window and expect to see you at all times. When I can imagine of several perfect goodbyes and be glad that we never said goodbye. The perfect goodbye, is no goodbye at all.
Princess of the Winter Snow.
I'm writing this letter to catch you up. On how school is, and how the city is and how the weather is, and how I am.
School has changed. There is more homework than usual since I'm the only one doing it. The school hours are longer now as I don't see you midway. Home has shifted further away because I don't race you till my door. The city has changed. The road has more leaves and fewer footprints. I, am just the way I was. Just more thoughtful. Mom tells me I'm quieter. I think I just think in my head now and keep my thoughts preserved in time. To pour them out to you, sometime. I hope I don't forget them. I hope they don't get too stale to be served.
I have been wondering, since the day you left, that I never got a chance to say goodbye. Frankly, I have been wondering more about how the perfect goodbye would have been. We could have had some drama, cried a tear or two, wished for things to be the same between us and bid farewell, in a long lingering wave, till you disappeared in the bend.
Or I could have fought with you, cursed you for leaving me alone, to exist in nothingness, to be all by myself and without much importance of being. I could have hit you so hard, that you bled. I could have wished for you to bleed out every memory, every plan, every thought that could and would stay. I would have rejoiced in your pain and mine. And left you there bleeding out every bit of me, from you.
I could have thrown you a farewell party. With gifts and cards and a huge cake. We could have celebrated our parting. We could have celebrated having more things to talk about, more world to explore, more places that we could visit together in each other's descriptions, more future to look forward to. And we could have danced all night. A slow, revolting, exhilarating waltz, swaying to the thought of music and joy and celebration.
Sometimes, I feel I should have hugged you. Not in a I'm-never-going-to-let-go sort of way, not even in the I'm-devastated-and-I-need-your-touch-to-let-me-through sort of a way. I would have hugged you only to remember your scent, your touch, your being. I would have hugged you to let you find me in yourself when you need to find me and I could breathe you in every time I needed to be familiar with my world.
But then, I think the way you chose was the best goodbye. Where we do not bid farewell, where I do not tell you that I will miss you, where you do not promise to come back and there is no presence of your skin on mine. The perfect goodbye, is this. When I can look out side the window and expect to see you at all times. When I can imagine of several perfect goodbyes and be glad that we never said goodbye. The perfect goodbye, is no goodbye at all.
Princess of the Winter Snow.
most of the time when I read something I am looking for 'why's'.. Why did someone write this? Why in this way? Why?
ReplyDeleteI don't want to know why anymore.
It is just too beautiful in itself.
Waiting for the letters as they come.
Love.